change

Change has been the operative word in my vocabulary lately, brought on the onset of the miracle that happened on election and nurtured by the realization of how I want my life to be different than it is now.

I’ll start with our new president. I promised in my last post that I’d write something better so here’s my attempt at it. I felt incredibly blissful that our seemingly clueless population got it right and realized that skin color should not be a barrier to really getting things right.

I find Barack’s election especially validating because it shows that carrying yourself with dignity and class is not indicative of deviant behavior. After reading this article in the NY Times, I can help but agree with the author’s assertion that there has been a war on intellectualism in the past eight years during which bufoonery was not only tolerated, but celebrated. It’s not only evident from the crap that I see on TV but also when I’m just out and about, on the train, going to work , being at work. Mediocrity is cool and anyone is ventured into the realm of intellecutalism was a deviant.

Which brings me to my next point…my life.

For the last several months, my life has been consumed by my job which is seemingly impossible given that the work I do isn’t stressful at all. It has more to do with the environmen of our office, where if they could hang a flag in tribute to mediocrity, it would be flying high. A lot of my coworkers are deeply unhappy; many of them don’t seem to realize it but they are. I suspect a lot of them are unhappy because they are bored with their lives, their work and are desperately wanting to know if there is more to life than this montony. I don’t fault them for that; lord knows I’ve trekked that same path many a time, and still do. The problem I have with these types is that they make their misery other people’s misery. I can’t tell you how many little subplots and mini-soap operas abound where I work, some of which i have tried in vain to avoid. In the end, when you do get caught up in the tomfoolery, you feel like you just inhaled a whole mess of junk food. Sure, it tasted good going down but in the end, you don’t feel so good afterward and you’re stuck with heartburn.

That’s been my situation for the last several months and it culminated into something very stressful within the last month. That’s when I had to take a step back and realize that I was losing my focus on the bigger things in life; my passions, my sanity. It’s not worth it but it’s easy to get caught up in garbage when you spend so much time around it and you begin to think that there is nothing more in life.

So you can imagine what a breath of fresh air it is when you look up and you see someone like Barack quietly, determinedly stick to his path and realize a goal as stupdendous as becoming this country’s first black president. He did it with grace, a smile, and intelligence. Hell, you can’t help but admire that.

So with that shining example, I’ve decided to refocus and re-prioritize my life. I’m making a point to make paint more and work towards getting my own show in order. Now that my studio is done and I just finished my first painting in my studio, I feel like dreams are starting to take on more of a reality.I’m also going to practice mindfulness when it comes to negative thoughts and be sure to steer clear of the bullshit, at work and beyond.

Let’s hear it for change.

oh yes…

My sister emailed me and was like, “um, why the hell aren’t you blogging about this historic day?” Well, those weren’t her exact words, but something like it. Well, that’s because I’m kind of dazed over the fact that I lived to see the day that a black man took the presidency. I didn’t want to believe it until it was officially announced even though it was pretty clear that by the time that Ohio was called, McCain was a goner. I spent the night texting friends and flipping channels. I don’t really think it sunk in until I was listening to the Steve Harey show this morning and listening to people calling in and singing praises. I started to get a little misty-eyed as I got ready for work.

Needless to say, New York has been engaged in a lot of raucous celebration. It made me wish that I hadn’t cast an absentee ballot and that I had just registered in New York but I’m proud that Michigan represented! I’ve already reserved January 20th as a day off so I can watch the historic swearing-in.

Okay, folks, that’s all I got right now. I’m sure there will be more to come.

 

winding down

I can’t believe after two years of campaigning, this damn thing is about to come to an end and tomorrow we’ll actually find out who our next president will be. I’m actually kind of nervous about this. No surprise that I want Obama to win; aside from the fact that I think McCain is a timebomb that could either go off or fizzle away from old age and that is running mate is a clod in an expensive suit, I’m really excited about the fact that we may actually elect our first black president. I really never thought I’d see the day it would happen.

I just hope that it does happen.

Here in New York, lad of the liberal, people are proudly sporting their Obama buttons, as if that’s a big suprise. It’s almost kind of pointless considering that New York is a given for the Dems and always will be. I think it’s some sort of security blanket for New Yorkers, who want this to go right so badly and wonder why the rest of the country can’t think like they do. I remember in 2004 how stressed out people were here during the Bush/Kerry election. I was on the elevator witht his guy who turned to me and said, “We simply have to pray that we get this devil out of office!”

I wasn’t going to torture myself by watching the election coverage but I tihnk that is damn near impossible. It would be like walking past a chocolate cupcake sitting haplessly on a counter and not devouring it.

Speaking of which, I need to make a trip to the kitchen.

And in the meantime, let’s keep our fingers crossed for the best!

when parasites attack

So yesterday I paid another visit to my holistic doctor to get to the bottom of this stomach business that I’m dealing wtih. I had an endoscopy last week with my gastroenterologist and he concluded that I had gastritis, which is a fancy way of saying stomach inflammation. The only thing was that he wasn’t sure what caused it and that was something that could take forever to figure out. In the meantime, ol’ boy threw some prescription medicine my way to mask the symptoms (basically a glorified acid blocker) and told me to come back in a few weeks.

Skeptical and tired of having to gear up for more tests that might lead to nothing, I decided to go see my holistic doctor yesterday. After a few pats and rubs on the head and some other gestures in applied kinesiology, he concluded that I had parasites that were causing me grief. Apparently, we all have parasites in our stomachs but every now and then they get out of control, especially when we are susceptible to stress and all kinds of things. I won’t deny that stress has been a culprit on my horizon for a while and I realized that this was my body’s way of telling me, “Either slow down or I’ll slow you down.”

So I’m trying to comply the best I can be a kinder, calmer J. In the meantime, I look foward to the day I can have hot sauce and eat dairy products again.

damn.

i almost fell out of my chair when I saw this.

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the alien from NY

I’m back from my Jacksonville trip. I had a good time catching up with my girlfriend and meeting her family and hanging out. Trips outside of the urban jungle are often eye-opening for me. You don’t realize how jaded living here makes you until you leave and see how other people live and then look at how YOU live.

This trip was no different. I learned two things about myself: (1) I’m really introverted. I think I’ve always suspected but really thought I was more of ambivert in that I can be both introverted and extroverted. I also never thought of myself as an introvert because I tended to equate introversion with being antisocial but I guess that’s not the same. I just know that I like my solitude andmore often than not, when I’m in groups of people, I’m usually pretty quiet and often wish I was alone. I know how to perk up and be outgoing but I really do like being on my own a lot. Sometimes I wonder if it’s healthy.

The other thing I realized is how different my life looks to other people. While I was at the baby shower, I was surrounded by women my age who were married, getting married, and ranting about having babies. Those two things are so off my radar. I feel my major milestones are being economically independent in one of the most expensive cities on the planet. You know how I feel about dating and my idea of motherhood would involve adopting a cat. All of these elements seem to conspire to make me something out of Sex and the City (ugh). I realized how odd my life might look to those with heart-landish tendencies when I talked to the women about my life and my “job” and how I just work to pusure my passion for painting. Whenever I explain this to people, I get this blank reaction and I feel a little self-conscious. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

So now I’m back to work and trying to start things off all fresh. I have a hard time doing that here. It’s not the work itself that I hate really; there’s nothing to it. It’s pretty stress-fee and rather flexibleIt more has to do with the personalities and the sub-plots that wear me out. Often times I wish I could disappear but  int his economy, who can afford to do that? These days you are lucky just to have some moolah coming in.

So that’s that for this pensive Monday. Here’s to hoping for a good week!

better days ahead

Okay, okay, so I promised the last time I wrote that I would write some good news so I’ll start with the most obvious that I can recall right now. Last week, I went and saw Maxwell for the first time ever in concert. I have been in love with this man for years, all the way back to high school, when Constant and I would daydream about flying to New York City where he lives and stalking and tackling him and not letting go until he swore his undying love for us.

Needless to say, we both love the man. So, you can imagine my happiness when I got a chance to see him at Radio City Music Hall (another first for me). The minute the music came on and he strolled on stage, I started hollering and swaying like those dizzy girls up front. I uusally don’t do that as it breaks ranks with the “Cool As Shit” brigade but for Maxwell, I will make a fool of myself. The man can still sing after allt hese years and he has the nerve to have stage presence and humor! I’m telling you, if he’s coming to a city near you, run to Ticketmaster and make that purchase. You will NOT regret it!

On another note, I get a chance to get the HELL out of Dodge this week and go to Florida to visit a friend from law school. I haven’t been to Florida since I graduated, mostly because after the horrendousness of law school, I never wanted to set place in that god-forsaken state again. But in the case of a pregnant friend that I haven’t seen in four years, I will break my vow. Besides, she lives in Jacksonville, which is supposed to be a hell of a lot better than Miami. At this point, I’ll take anything. I’m at my four month phase where I absolutely have to get away from New York because the pace is becoming too stressful. I also yearn to get away from the energy vampires at work, so the timing couldn’t be more perfect. I’m hoping this little jaunt will get me back in the right frame of mind and help me physically. My stomach ailment is still a mystery in spite of a visit with the gastroenterologist; they still have to run more tests. He swears that it’s not gallstones but rather gastritis, which I don’t think is right either but we’ll see.

So that’s it for now. Be well in Blogville!

failery

I know my blogging has really been sucking a lot lately, and it’s not like I don’t have stuff to write about, it’s just that most of the time I don’t feel like writing. But before you think I’ve given this blog the grand kiss-off, I thought I’d at least post something.

Tomorrow I get to take my first visit to a gastroenterologist. I don’t know for sure, but I think I am having issues with my gallbladder. In the last month, I’ve had some really painful attacks with the worst one happening last week. It was one of those “Flinging myself off a cliff would be a lot more comfortable than than this shit” moments. So now I’m hoping to get some answers so I can figure out what to do. I’m hoping to find an alternative to surgery if it turns out that I have, as I suspect, gallstones.

And perhaps as a result of my health issues, I have been feeling overhwelmed and stressed off and on for the last few weeks. There are some things that I have been putting off that I need to do and I intend on getting one of those monkeys off my back this week. I’ve also vacillated between wanting to be in the mix with people and wanting people to just leave me alone–these tend to be the type of the emotionally needy/toxic persuasion that suck the life out of you and those around with their issues. I have enough problems of my own. Go watch Oprah.

I finished my studio mostly and I should be painting. I set out some new canvas to work on yesterday, took one look at the intended subject matter that I wanted to paint and decided  that I didn’t want to paint that at all. So I’m back to the drawing board as to what to paint. I was originally going to do a still-life but I think I want to paint something more emotional and cathartic.

I think I’m going to hang up the whole online dating thing. I’m at the point where it (and men in general) are just annoying as hell  and I don’t want to be bothered. I don’t think Match is really for me because it’s really hard to know what the hell you’re dealing with. People create this whole fantasy that doesn’t that sets you up for a lot of let-downs, or you end up with guys that are just looking for some fast-love, OR you get these old-ass men who really try to convince you that do indeed have a daddy complex and that they can give you all the love and all manner of tomfoolery…..OR you get this young chil’ren who are still trying to find themselves and want you to come along for the ride.

And to all this I say: FAIL.

But I’m glad I gave it a shot. Who knows, I might get desperate curious enough to try it again. Besides I might need more stories for my other blog.

Okay, now that I have sufficiently bitched and moaned, I feel I should take my leave of you for now. I promise to bring sunnier tidings the next time around.

i dunno

I really wanted to look forward to the debates between Barack and McCain but I found myself snoozing on the couch instead. I fell asleep twice.

I’m beginning to think that instead of listening to the politicians spend six minutes avoiding the question, they should just put them on a reality TV show and set them to task instead. We’d probably get more information and it sure as hell would be entertaining.

But in the meantime, I can’t wait to see Biden and Palin go at it.

miss feel-good

My apologies once again for dropping off the face of the earth for a while. I have been mea ning to update and write but well…you know…

Well, actually there are a lot of good reasons for that, many of which are responsible for my good mood. For starters I did mean to mention my sister’s visit up here. She really had a good time and was totally geeked to go to the US Open. We got a chance to see Andy Roddick and Lyndsey Davenport play. The night before we went to see Amel and we my sister finally got a chance to meet the woman that I’m always gushing about. The rest of our time was mainly spent eating good food and enjoying the sights and sounds of the city.

Last night I restored a friendship that I was pretty much ready to throw to the wolves. After months of not talking to this person, I decided to break the silence and have a heart-to-heart with him about our troubles; especially after learning he spent a terrifying and pain-filled weekend in the emergency room. My friend, somewhat unbeknownst to me, was pretty heartbroken over our estrangement and was elated to have the chance to reconnect. So now we’re both pretty happy and I’m relieved to have our beef off my mind.

In the past week I’ve gotten several invitations to particpate in some art shows around the city. Two of them will be in the Spring and I have one to get ready for in November. I just dropped off two pieces today at a cafe up in Harlem. A friend of a friend, who I’ve never met, invited me to participate a few days ago so I was hauling butt to put the frames together and heading into Manhattan. The bar manager was really excited to see my work and was asking if I could in more. He was especially interested in Medea (aka, the pretty lady with the split face) but I’m waiting to get prints done of that before I start displaying her around the town. After I dropped off my artwork, I actually did get a chance to meet my mystery photographer friend and his pretty baby daughter before heading home.

With all these demands on my inventory, I really need to get in the studio and paint. That’s a good problem to have though.

So now I’m back at my place, contemplating taking a nap before setting about cleaning. I have a house party to get ready for so I need to get a headstart on cleaning up the spot.

Ciao!